Life Changing Decisions

I make a big decision this week. After months of agonizing about it and going back and forth about it, somewhere in the stillness and quiet of the bedroom, my answer is there for me to take. I close my eyes. I breathe and listen to my mind whisper: It doesn’t have to mean less time with your family, less time with your son. The thought lingers, but stubborn as she can be, sleep finally rewards me.

I write the email in the morning.

Made up my mind. Better to tell you in person.

Click. Send.

And just like that, as quickly as google tells me message sent, I’m in his office. My boss smiles at me from behind the desk, anticipating my response. When my mind, breath, and voice reach for the answer it gets stuck. I feel it wedged in the back of my throat. An army of thoughts invade, sent to remove the blockage: I’ll manage my time better. I won’t hold myself to such a high-standard. I can achieve work/life balance.

The blockage splits apart. Piece by piece the fragments slip off my tongue. “I’ll take the lead teaching position. I’ll teach full-time again.”

 

 

 

 

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16 thoughts on “Life Changing Decisions”

  1. The suspense in this piece is absolute perfection….I am left reeling….what decision? what was the reaction? I am going to be thinking about this all day long. I immediately connect it to major decisions I have made, keeping my growing family in mind.
    Just a great piece. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh geez, for a second there I thought you were going to write I QUIT. Your anticipation was wonderful and had me by the edge of my seat the whole read through. Please, keep writing!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, yes, this piece was full of tension and anticipation. I was swallowing to get that wedge out of my throat. Loved the inside thinking. Masterfully written! Congratulations on your decision!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ditto here. The suspense was killing me, and I was sure you were going to say that you resigned!
    Just goes to show you that piece size is irrelevant to its greatness. Thanks for the great read!

    Like

  5. Such a well-written post especially the inner conversations in italics! I know too well the conflicting feelings when I try to balance time with my son and moving forward in my career.

    Like

  6. Tough decisions. You portray the internal struggle so vividly here. You are stronger than you know. I’m so proud to call you my friend!

    Like

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